Throughout the wedding planning process, there are countless decisions that need to be made. One of the hardest and stressful decisions to be made is who to invite. It sounds really simple and like a no-brainer but not only is it a tough decision, it is also one of the very first decisions you will need to make. This decision is important because it literally guides one of the single most important aspects of your wedding: The budget.
At the time of my wedding, my husband and I sat down and started drafting a list of who we wanted to invite. It sounded simple when we started but we slowly realized it’s actually very complex and one of the reasons is because after deciding on who you do want at your wedding, you also have to deal with who you do not want at your wedding. Immediately when you get engaged one thing that comes along with the congratulatory messages is the expectation of being invited to the wedding. ‘’Harusi tunayo’’ is a popular phrase that you hear from many as soon as you get engaged meaning WE have a wedding!
Why is this such a huge area of distress for couples? The number of people you invite is directly related to the cost of all the services you will need to source for. This includes the venue, the catering, the number of chairs and tables etc. This is because in the industry services are provided per person. So the more people you have, the more tables, chairs, tents, food etc, you will need.
The cost aside however, you want to invite people who you and your spouse have a connection to, or who have been influential and a part of your lives in a meaningful way. I choose my words very carefully here because an open description could literally mean everyone. The number of guests you choose to have can be a sore spot and potentially a huge area of conflict with your parents especially if the cost of the wedding falls squarely on the two of you. This is because as much as it is a huge moment for you, the wedding is also a huge source of pride and joy for your parents. They want to shout it from the rooftops (literally if they could) and this means they want to invite ALL their friends and ALL your family, even those who you may have never seen before (and being a parent now I get it). Assuming even that your parents do assist you with the cost of the extra relatives and friends, there is still the aspect of a certain level of intimacy you expect at your wedding. This is why I believe there is a certain trend of ‘’invite only’’ weddings nowadays.
My husband and I had a guest list of 350 people and we split it right down the middle. We gave each other room to invite whomever we wanted however it was limited to our individually allocated number on the list. That way, it was up to each of us to carefully decide who we wanted to invite and also deal with our own families based on our allocated number. Intimacy aside, we were more concerned about the budget.
My tips on this delicate issue are as follows:
1. Agree with your partner from the onset on the number of people you want to invite and stick to your number. You can go slightly over the number but keep in mind that more numbers means more cost, so choose a number that you can comfortably accommodate.
2. The wedding guest list can be a huge area of conflict and animosity with your parents. Handle it carefully. I gave my parents a number that they could work with. So from my allocated number, I also allocated a number to my parents. It was certainly not their ideal situation but I had to explain to them that that was what we were working with. It certainly was not easy, but it had to be done. And it was an ongoing discussion up until the end. So develop thick skin and breath.
3. Part of dealing with the guest list includes having to deal with those you have not invited to the wedding. Those who mostly fall in this category are your co-workers (especially because you have to rock with them after the wedding DAILY), distant relatives, old friends etc. Probably thinking through in advance a response that you could give them could help you not be caught off guard if you struggle with being blunt about it.
Lastly, a funny observation is that normally you can count on your hands the number of people you associate with on a regular but for some reason when it comes to the wedding list, you can end up with a number running to the hundreds. The list below can help you narrow it down so that you come up with a number that is true to you and your spouse. I borrowed it from Pinterest. Hope it helps!
How was your experience dealing with the wedding list? Share down below for other couples planning to see.
Love and light
xoxo
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